daylight savings...

I have not blogged in a long time, likely due to the fact that most of the time i spend at the computer typing has to do with history papers. But I have found a little time today to sqeeze in a new post so here goes.

It is november already. Two months down. Feels like eons to go. The workload has been doable but now i find myself moving into a portion of the semester where things start getting a little more intense. More papers, more reading, midterm exams, tests, and two BIG research papers. The added pressure is that I will not very well accept lower than an A on most these things and so i am pretty hard on myself. Unfortunately, i do not like studying or homework so that becomes a problem. It has been hard to balance the fulltime student with the fulltime wife. I feel like I am living two seperate lives right now. One is an hour away at school with my school people and school life and the other is here. Here is the life I like the best...mind you, I love being in school, but I just wish it integrated into my life a little better. I am starting to freak out a little about next year, knowing that I have to apply for Education before February 1st. That whole process in and of itself scares me...but I am forcing myself to push forward and look towards my goal. Still I am conflicted.

The conflict comes in relation to the fact that even though I am in school and planning this new course for my life, my other desire (motherhood) has not fallen away. Instead, it is those times where schoolwork is so intense that I find myself thinkign that I should not be going to school anyways, I should be at home having babies. Just yesterday I ran into an old friend. Her daughter who is in her early 20's had commented, "Amy should be at home having babies"...this not knowing that that was not an option. I explained. That is the hardest part. It is like asking a young teenager about her boyfriend not knowing taht her boyfriend dumped her last night. As for our adoption plans, we are still waiting, waiting, waiting. The situation is entirely out of our control. There are no fertility treatment options available to us in our case and so we are left to the waiting list.

On a more positive note, Christmas is coming and I am looking forward to putting up Christmas decorations. I have picked out a great spot in our living room for the tree and I am excited for it. Right now it is only 5:30 and almost completely dark outside. A sure sign of the turning of the season. I guess summer is officially over now. lol. I always hold on as long as possible to summer. I suppose I should stop rambling and find something for supper. Until next time....