my brain is buzzing.

so this weekend was our adoption seminar. i have not mentioned in any of my posts that we are infertile. officially. as in doctors said it was futile to try getting preggers the normal way. so this sucks to the 9th degree but we are coming to terms with it (after many hours of bawling my eyes out and yelling at God). This is the hardest thing of my entire life!!!! all i have ever wanted was to be a mommy and i can't. it won't work no matter what we do. we could try IVF, but the last time i checked we didn't have an extra 10,000 dollars sitting around in our account. and anyways, i don't really like needles enough that i would be willing to get poked everyday for a month or so straight only to have a failed attempt. forget it. so we have opted to apply to adopt. now begins masses of paperwork and stuff to do. we are really examining our future and looking at what we really want as a family. where do we see ourselves in 2, 3, 5 years? how do we want our kids to grow up? where do we want them to grow up? so we have lots of decisions to make. like i said, my brain is buzzing.